Mar 26, 2010

Being Fulfilled

In response to my sister-in-law's blog... which you can read here

I think its because all girls grow up, in this day in age, with several "ideas" of what life SHOULD be like for you to be happy.

  • Be married to prince charming.
  • Still have a wonderful social life.
  • Stay friends with our best friends for "like" FOREVA!
  • Maintain our beautiful high school like physic, so that we may be the envy
    of all the girls from high school. Especially at class reunions we need to look "supa fly"
  • Acquire material possessions (house, car, etc)
  • Get in to the most awesome college.
  • Graduate from said college.
  • Have wonderful, well behaved children.
    Be a full time mommy/ or a work mommy. (both which are fulfilling, however not sure why you’d go to school to be a full time mommy, just a waste of money if you ask me.)
  • Grow old. Acquire even more possessions. Bigger and Better. Have grandkids.
  • Maybe even great grandkids
  • Die a ripe old age still in good shape, living every day to its fullest.

My point is this. If any of these things do happen for us, they might not be in the order we planned. I do not believe that children or school fills the void that we women force ourselves into. We are the reason we have the void. We are the ones who set these ridiculously high standards for everything and when it doesn’t meet up to exactly what we had planned we are let down. We are constantly measuring the life God gave us against the life that we “should” have had, or “could” have had.

We say to ourselves, if only I wouldn’t have made this mistake, or if I would have waited for this, or tried harder in this, or thought this through.

Hine sight is not always 20/20. Most of the time its wrong.

If I wouldn’t have made the mistakes that I made in my life, eck um, I could have settled for someone who didn’t make me feel the way Max made me feel. My mistakes led me to the path that God had intended for me.

The walk across that graduation stage was a wonderful feeling, but fleeting. Especially when circumstances keep you for looking for a job right after you graduate. Then the economy sucks so when you do look there is nothing, or nothing you want to do. I felt more pressure since I graduated then before. Now I am an even bigger failure. Not everyone goes to college, but the ones that do and graduate find flippin jobs don’t they!!!

Joee has not filled the “I want to do more with my life” or better the” I thought I would be DOING MORE with my life by now” void. She is just a marvelous addition. And she is not an accomplishment. Maybe I will feel different about this later. I know my mother feels proud of my sister and I. I am proud that my daughter is wonderful, but she isn’t MY accomplishment, all I did was carry her and take care of her. The way I nurture her, raise her, and teach her will be a great accomplishment for me.

Fulfillment comes from the inside out. No amount of acquired possessions, awards, beauty, or people will make you fill fulfilled and stay that way. I acquired my possessions, and awards while I was in my “first life” and it was not fulfilling. While I had bragging rights for some of the things people said I couldn’t do I did, it still did not make me happy, because I wasn’t happy. I was constantly told how mean and awful a person I was that that took its toll.

It wasn’t until it left that the vail that I was seeing through made my life feel better. And in that months before Max I felt more accomplished then I ever had. And I was a waitress and that wasn’t going to change for the time being. But I was accomplishing my goals week by week. Whether it was getting to books that were collecting dust, or just having time for ME. It was MY life and I loved who I was. Max only made this better for me.

Now I am not saying, “ladies leave your husbands and life is great” I am saying make time for yourself to do the things you’ve longed to do. See the movie you want to see even if your husband or friends won’t go with you. Indulge yourself on your favorite dessert. Make a fool of yourself as often as possible. Say whats on your mind. Just steal a few hours for yourself every week, even if you think taking time away from your kids makes you a bad mother, I promise in the long run it will make you a better mother. Your children will know if their mother is happy in her own skin, and that is one of the best things you can teach a child, especially a girl, to be happy in her own skin!

Also make small goals for yourself every week. If you have always wanted a garden start one. Don’t have a yard start a planter. You always wanted to take ballet classes, get on youtube, buy some used ballet slippers and go to town in your own living room. Goals that are accomplishable within a week. Even if it’s a big goal. Want to go to Hawaii, plan the trip in your secret notebook, price it up, say you want to save it by 5 years time, do the math, and start a collection!
It is honestly the little things in life that are fulfilling.


  1. thanks Cheryl! I am trying.... and the glass is half full!

  2. I loved this post! So true, a degree or baby or husband isn't what fulfills us... I know when I start feeling lost, it is because I am not focusing on God and what is really important to Him- loving others, being kindhearted and giving... so simple yet I always complicate things! =)